I dream about greatness.
I aim for it everyday.
But recently I learned
that if you want it,
there are places to look for it,
and places to avoid.

This place is overrun
with mediocrity.
And maybe I am mediocre too.
But I have a burning desire
to rise above it,
an intense passion
to keep moving. There’s
a difference.

But in this place
I found you and
I wanted your beauty.
I wanted what
you could do
with your hands
to be
not mine,
but for me.
That’s what
that I love you
translates to.
And for the price of
a weak-kneed frolic
with what was never
worth it to
begin with,
I forgot my ambition.
I lost my bearings.
I got caught up in the
rebellious rumination that
I could stay in one
directionless place
and dance in circles
around you.
And when you
dispossessed me
I had no legs with
which to rise
and walk away from
the place where
I choked
on the normalcy
I thought I needed
so badly
and started believing
I could never be as good as you
I could never be as good as her
when we are all
small fish
in this small pond

but fate
picked me up
with her nimble fingers
and gave me back
to the somber heights
I was destined for

and I found it.
Self-denial is punishment.

I am going to
push myself harder.
And I will get better.
And better.
And even better.
Until finally,
I can leave you behind.