All I really want for us
right now
is an end
to this nonsense
pushing and pulling.
Belated indelible memories

of your first push
that I thought
was mere carelessness,

your second push
that I thought
was a private code
asking me to lie low,
but stay,
anyway,

your third push
and I started wondering
if something was wrong,

your fourth push
and the full magnitude
of your cold, cold heart
took a fair swing
at my senses
and my brain
too long captive
of my capricious heart
finally understood
what you were saying

and I stopped pulling.
Recent memories

of holding myself
for warmth,
bracing myself
for stabs of pain
knife with a jagged edge
day after day
while you successfully
pulled
even farther
and farther away
the parts of you
your presence altogether
disappeared one by one
until I was numb
about everything
that has anything
to do with you.

I am nothing to you,
you’ve made that clear.
You are nothing to me,
now,
it wasn’t easy
but I got there,
all right?

Now it’s finally
caught up on you
and right on cue
you’re here again,
pulling
me back.
And it’s my turn
to push
and don’t you dare
pretend like
you don’t know why.

Can’t we find anything
better to do?

.

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