These past days
feel like years
and I’ve been doing things
for decades
like I’m doing life
inside a plastic bubble
that pretends to protect me
but only magnifies
the things I cannot have.
I realize that nothing,
not even inaction
can shield you from pain
and I don’t think it’s a crime
to admit that I need someone.
I honestly believe
walking this road
with a man by my side
would give me
more focus and direction
an outlet for my passion
and let me stop feeling
I’m bouncing around the walls
without meaning.
Today it’s not about loneliness
it’s not about having so much
with no one to share it with.
It’s not about needing to be held,
or listened to,
but about making sense
of the world
and the things that I do
and why things have to matter
and be so urgent sometimes
and why understanding is so evasive,
especially in the face of
“matters of consequence”
that involves money and the future
and doing what you want
when you can’t even figure out
what it is that you want.

Can someone please
collapse the scaffold of
“how things are”
and explain to me in simple terms
why each of its parts
needs to exist?