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An afternoon in the rain
a pitcher of Cuban mojito
four shots of drip Sumatra espresso
an evening of PhD-level mathematics
and you are still
in my mind
and you are still
at the top of my list
you are still
breaking my heart

I’ve always been a strong woman
but always been weak
when it came to this
not this time
it ends tonight

you heard me

I would have loved you
beyond sickness
beyond health
beyond poorer
beyond richer
beyond death

but for such a tortured soul
you can build such high walls
fencing in your own need
beyond your own reach
and even your silence
is so thick it burns
like dry ice

with dry eyes
I gather my strength
from the lateness of the hour
I borrow my resolve
from this state of drunkenness
in my craving for sleep
and haggle for my destiny
from this directionless intoxication
and let go of you,
sweet lover
here’s to you,
beautiful and complex spirit
a toast
to goodbye

I make my way in these
winding alleys of consciousness
the stars above buzzing like bees
silverware clattering on the floor
my nervous heartbeat
pounding in my ears
back home
in the quilted arms
of my solitude
without promises
without pain
without you