Carefully, purposefully
I shall disengage myself
from the arms
of the sleeping form
of my illusions

this morning
it’s all over
I’m awake
I know what is and isn’t
but while my heart
is still half-dreaming
to the half-kindness
of the words he said
that can only half-atone
for the full hurt
rendered by the total blow
that descended just before,
before the full faculties
of my reason
return to me
sharp enough to remind me
just how hurt
I have every right to be,
I will get up
from this bed of
illusory familiarity
and push my desires away

it’s better this way:
trick my heart
while it’s still too sleepy
to know what’s going on
than to leave
with tears in my eyes
and venom in my heart
and having to
tear myself off it

I’ll do it gracefully
instead of unwillingly
slipping away
with a kiss on his
unconscious forehead
as if
I would only be gone a minute
instead of for good.