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I wish it hadn’t ended this way.
There’s just too much confusion,
too many loose ends,
too little understanding
and
one phone conversation
or one house call
or one medium-length letter
could have cured it.

But I was just
too much in a hurry
to get rid of the pain,
to purge myself
of the anger that
I did not comprehend,
to turn my back
on the discomfort
charging at me like
a bullet train,
so eager to forget
as if,
if I had stayed
one day longer
my rock-brittle ego
would collapse
from under my feet
and my insecurities
would swallow me whole

so I took
the easy way out
or so I thought
until

I realized
that by forgoing the day
I thought I was saving
by pulling that plug
so unceremoniously
I was losing weeks of sleep
and possibly a lifetime
of looking back
wondering
what might have been.
God forbid.

.